Though I do greatly enjoy investing in beautifully packaged, highly sought after, luxury skincare, I only wish I could do it for the fun alone. I wish, more than anything, to wake up in the morning and not have my first thought surrounding the fear of looking in the mirror. On and off for as long as I can remember, having good skin was a rarity. When others may have seen a porcelain face, I saw a ghost, whose blindingly pale complexion only made the redness and fields of bumps more noticeable. Looking back, I can't quite pinpoint the time in my life when a good skin day became synonymous with a good day, and vise versa. That, my friends, is a dangerous way of thinking when you're born with acne prone skin.
I'm constantly conflicted between a need to hide my face beneath blankets of makeup, and the desire to be able to plaster on a smile while wearing bare skin proudly. I would love, more than anything, to be an "internet person" who advocates for feeling confident with a natural face (and I am, most of the time). No, I'm not exactly strutting around, taking selfies in drag makeup, but I still feel hypocritical every time I use concealer. We all know I love being as bronzed as possible (for my skin tone anyway), and yet I experience this same pang of guilt every time I apply fake tan, as though I am some how letting people down. I'm sure you're sitting there thinking; "Emily, we couldn't care less if you self tan or wear makeup, everyone else does it!" AND YOU'RE RIGHT! So, why have I developed a negative connotation to slight adjustments in my appearance that have not only been accepted in western culture, but consistently encouraged by the beauty industry and internet community? If I do these things, does that mean I don't fully accept myself for who I am? Can I potentially blame my self consciousness on an conglomerate industry? This question is merely food for thought, because I don't think I'll ever know the answer.
Perhaps the true internal battle is between these two things:
1. My goal to stay aware of the beauty world's gimmicks, and never allow my love of skincare and makeup to morph into a need to make changes, no matter how small, to my face on a daily basis.
2. Accepting the all too true fact that having acne sucks, and nobody in their right mind would think badly of me for feeling self conscious about my skin.
Maybe nobody is to blame, and this battle is simpler than I thought. A fight between me and my skin is all it may come down to (a thought that eases my mind after I rant about the beauty industry). Of course, it bothers me that I don't know whether this quirk of mine will ever go away. I have to learn to be okay with this unknown while sticking to my commitment to never let the state of my skin stifle my smile. When it comes to the potential judgement from others, giving people the benefit of the doubt is all I can advise. Worrying what someone may think of our skin, though difficult to avoid, is a colossal waste of time.
I'm constantly conflicted between a need to hide my face beneath blankets of makeup, and the desire to be able to plaster on a smile while wearing bare skin proudly. I would love, more than anything, to be an "internet person" who advocates for feeling confident with a natural face (and I am, most of the time). No, I'm not exactly strutting around, taking selfies in drag makeup, but I still feel hypocritical every time I use concealer. We all know I love being as bronzed as possible (for my skin tone anyway), and yet I experience this same pang of guilt every time I apply fake tan, as though I am some how letting people down. I'm sure you're sitting there thinking; "Emily, we couldn't care less if you self tan or wear makeup, everyone else does it!" AND YOU'RE RIGHT! So, why have I developed a negative connotation to slight adjustments in my appearance that have not only been accepted in western culture, but consistently encouraged by the beauty industry and internet community? If I do these things, does that mean I don't fully accept myself for who I am? Can I potentially blame my self consciousness on an conglomerate industry? This question is merely food for thought, because I don't think I'll ever know the answer.
Perhaps the true internal battle is between these two things:
1. My goal to stay aware of the beauty world's gimmicks, and never allow my love of skincare and makeup to morph into a need to make changes, no matter how small, to my face on a daily basis.
2. Accepting the all too true fact that having acne sucks, and nobody in their right mind would think badly of me for feeling self conscious about my skin.
Maybe nobody is to blame, and this battle is simpler than I thought. A fight between me and my skin is all it may come down to (a thought that eases my mind after I rant about the beauty industry). Of course, it bothers me that I don't know whether this quirk of mine will ever go away. I have to learn to be okay with this unknown while sticking to my commitment to never let the state of my skin stifle my smile. When it comes to the potential judgement from others, giving people the benefit of the doubt is all I can advise. Worrying what someone may think of our skin, though difficult to avoid, is a colossal waste of time.
What you see in this post.
Dress - Zara
Belt - Vintage
Sneakers - Nike Huraches
Watch - WellyMerck Classic Berlin (check out this post to get my discount code)
Thanks for reading.
- Emily
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