Worrying About How You Look

Just going to be honest, I'm terrified to write this post. But lately my life has sort of been put into perspective and I thought that it was worth sharing. If you didn't notice, my lips are looking a bit off right now. This has been going on for almost a month and at first I thought it was just severe chapping from cold weather. After awhile it started to get worse and worse. It was very painful. So, I went to the doctor and it turns out that I have a skin infection. I don't know why this happened or where it came from but the doctor said it was only going to keep getting worse and so I had to start taking a medication.

My skin was so red, irritated, stinging and itchy (which I'm not sure if you can even see in the picture but trust me it's really red) that I literally couldn't talk. And more importantly, I couldn't smile. I guess until now I have completely underestimated the importance of smiling. It really does have an effect on how you feel. You don't just smile when your happy, smiling in the midst of something tough can help to make you feel happy.

So, because of the way I looked, I didn't want to go to school. I mean, it's high school and people can be very judgmental right? I felt so negative about myself and so down that I actually fell ill. And so I missed an entire week of school. The doctor said it would take three weeks for my skin to go back to normal, and I couldn't stay home from school forever. On Sunday night I sat in my room wallowing in my own sorrow and self pity. I didn't want anyone at school to think I had overly chapped lips, because only 3 year olds get that, or think I was just horrible at putting on lip gloss and smeared it all over my face. It turns out, I don't think anybody ever judged me at school more then I judged myself. We are the harshest critics of ourselves and why? Because we compare ourselves to people we think our perfect? Maybe. But it's not just that. We all spend so much time worrying about what other people think of us we don't have time judge others, and I'm guessing most teenage girls are in the same boat. Even if you do have that "I don't care what anyone thinks" attitude, and there's nothing wrong with that, I think it's in the nature of teenage girls to care even if they try to ignore it.

To sum all this up, sorry if I rambled for awhile, I think that, though there's always going to be things that you pick apart about yourself, nobody else cares enough find those negative things that you see. Because, chances are your the only one who can see them. As long as you treat others nicely and smile lots, people will never notice the tiny flaws that everyone has. And even though it really hurt to smile that big (in the picture) it was worth it because it helped me realize how silly it is to waste your time being sad about something so small in the big scheme of life